I realize that this may be old news to some geeks of the world, but did anyone realize that Aragorn (or Stryder or Estel or Elessar) is in fact, by the time he becomes king of Gondor, a sixty year-old inbred virgin? That's right, a sixty year-old virgin. Not only that, but he had the chance to score with Arwen before any of the ring shit happened and he didn't do it. Why? Oh, also Arwen is his cousin. Go figure.
Interestingly, although not quite so alarmingly, it seems that after all the ring shit happened, Gimli the dwarf left his wife and all his kids to go off with Legolas.
My question is this: why would I even post this on a message board? His books aren't even all that good. How did Tolkien get such a stranglehold on the geek community?
2 comments:
Maybe Viggy didn't have sex with Aerosmith's daughter because they WERE COUSINS. Also Gimli the Dwarf and Elizabethtown sailed away on a handbuilt boat, apparently because they couldn't handle being stiffed out of Heading Into The West.
Fuck Heading Into The West, man. I would stay in Middle Earth and set up a Wallmart in Mordor.
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